Random Stuff

Yes, it's true I'm a pathological obsever. I flit along the perimeters of everday interactions with people without actually participating fully. There was a time I thought this was because I wasn't a people person. I've since learned that I'm not a stupid people person but everyone else is okay. Well, not perky people, I don't do perky people well either but I've learned to tolerate them more. Then I thought I was apathetic and I've learned that isn't accurate either, actually, it's the opposite. Yet knowing this I still sit on the edge, dipping a toe in every now and then.

There is a part of me that whats to jump fully in and be involved but then there is a part of me that says you will only be disappointed. When you observe, you see clearly all the nasty spiteful things people will do to each other and it reinforces your belief that its not worth it. There are times though when you see how genuinely nice and honest some people are and it excites you. It makes you feel alive and you want to get involved but you still hold back. At least I do.

These are some of the thoughts that have been ruminating in my mind for a bit now. I thought writing them down would help and it probably would if hadn't consumed as much Nyquil and Benadryl as I have. You know you've taken too much meds when the word verification letters start looking like actual words. Anyway, bare with me as I muddle through this journey that I seem to be on.