Random Stuff

If you stopped by earlier there was a different post here. I took it out because I just don't want to go there with people. If this is your first visit today or ever disregard the man behind the curtain, I mean that last sentence.

The other night I was surfing and came upon another meme. So for your enjoyment here are more facts you really didn't need to know about me. I'm not sure where I got it from but I did leave a link so if you read this let me know and I'll link you back.

Age of my first kiss: Ricky Durham I kissed him on the cheek when I was 7.

Biggest mistake: mixing wine coolers with rum, puking my guts up in front of people who never let me live it down.

Crush: Not lately, but I’m working on it.

Deathly afraid of: I’m scared of spiders but I don’t think I’m deathly afraid of anything.

Embarrassing moment: Once someone yelled at me asking what I was doing for the weekend. I thought they asked me where I was going, so I yelled back BJ’s. Suffice it to say that I walk across the street now instead of yelling.

Favorite color, food, and animal: black, chicken, if I have to pick an animal I guess it would be a dog. A real dog though not one of those Paris Hilton rats that people try to pass off as dogs.

Games on my computer: I really don’t know.

Habits: see Thursday’s post.

I love...: my kids, family, friends and some days my husband.

Jobs I've had: cashier, library clerk, file clerk, accounting clerk, assistant bookkeeper, bookkeeper.

Kids: yup

Longest car ride ever: I had to go to Sullivan Co once for work with my supervisor and the office chatterbox. I think the trip is 2 ½ hours but it seemed like 8. Good Lord that woman could go on and on about her husband who I affectionately refer to as Lucifer and her kids who I refer to as the Devil's spawn.

My room looks like: a mess. I was looking for something this morning so everything is everywhere.

Nickname: Steph, Cracka, dumb-ass

One wish: that my house is clean when I get home.

Past times: I love reading. Lately, I like doing this and I don’t really have time for much else.

Quote: “When life hands you lemons ask for tequila and some salt.”

Reason to smile: someone falls. Okay, I’m kidding, my kids.

Secrets: yup

Time I went to sleep last night: somewhere around 1 or 2.

Unknown fact about me: As a child I was allergic to tomatoes. No ketchup, no pizza, no spaghetti. It was hell.

If you play, please leave your link.

Have a safe and Happy New Year!!!

Chris tagged me for this. She’s pretty cool, you should check her out. I’m not feeling very ambitious today so I copied and pasted from her blog.

These are the rules of the game: The first player chose a topic. In this case, the topic is FIVE WEIRD HABITS OF YOURS. You must then write a journal entry listing those weirdness’s you possess as well as the rules of the game. Then, you select FIVE PEOPLE TO TAG and link their names/blogs in your entry. Go to their journals and leave a comment informing them they have been tagged by you and to read your journal to see in what way they have been nailed! Those five then MUST write an entry listing their weird habits and tag an additional five people. I've pretty much been ordered to play this game or my name will be mud. So, if I've tagged you, humor me. It's only 5 things. 5 WEIRD HABITS OF MINE:

1). When I’m nervous, I pull on my eyebrow. Yeah, it looks as weird as it sounds.

2). When I’m bored, I twirl my hair. Although, if I do it while you’re talking to me I’m not bored, I’m enthralled.

3). I have to sleep with the TV on. If you turn it off, I’ll wake right up. However, you can could stand there and talk to me and I’ll sleep right through it.

4). I talk to myself a lot. In fact, while you’re talking to me, I’m probably talking to me too.

5). I have to wear socks to bed, even in the summer. I also don’t like anyone’s bare feet touching mine. (Chris, good thing we’re not a couple)


I'm going to tag these 5 people in no particular order:

Lisa
Galen
Spyder
Mad Secretary
Curt

Me being me, I forgot there was money involved with Fantasy Football. I was only in it for the comraderie and sportsmanship that I would experience with my fellow players. Hell, I almost got that out without laughing.

Anyone who knows me even vaguely knows I was in it for the smacktalk. I was in it strictly with the goal of calling everyone else a loser. The money never crossed my mind until it landed in my hand. Oh the joy of collecting from people who weren’t successful. What do you call them? Oh, that's right, losers.

There are moments I feel compassion towards them. It must be hard, not only did they lose to a girl but they lost to someone's mother. Oh I can't wait for one of my kids to come to work and say that to them. Lest you feel I'm being too hard on them, here is a dollar that I collected from one of them.









Warped minds of a feather flock together.

Today really feels like a Monday. I hit the snooze button 3 times. It’s 1:51. I’m working on my 4th cup of coffee, I've had lunch and I’m still barely functional.

The New Year is fast approaching. This week should be a time of reflection. Yeah, well I can’t remember shit so I’m going to have to find something else to do this week. Frankly if I can’t remember it, it must have been okay. That or it was so bad I’m blocking it out and in that case, I’ll leave well enough alone.

Are self-help books defeating the purpose? Self-help means I’m helping myself.

I figured it out, copyrighted it and am now selling it to poor souls going through an emotional crisis, looking for anything to grasp onto to save them from the pit of despair they are falling into.

They should really be called do-it-yourself books. They should have accurate titles too. Instead of ‘10 Steps to the New You’, it should be ‘You’re F***ed Up and I’m Not’. Isn’t that what they’re really saying?

When I look at one of those books I can’t help but wonder why, if this person is so great, they aren’t giving this information out for free. Somehow I always thought that a kind and generous heart was one of the things that made someone a good person. Helping someone for three easy payments of 29.95 doesn’t fall into kind or generous in my book.

Furthermore, after I finish my 10 steps to a new me, that same old asshole is going to be getting on my nerves. So I ask you, what is the point? Anyway, I like the old me with all my foibles.

It seemed like a good idea at the time. Yes it did. It seemed so much better than her playing Simpsons Hit & Run. This way she's learning nouns, verbs, and pronouns. This way when she grows up and sends out an 'All Staff' email it will be well written and no one will secretly make fun of her. The good thing is she loves it. The bad part is if I hear, "Conjunction junction what's your function?" one more time my head will surely explode.

Christmas was good. Good food, good company and of course, good gifts. We played Name That Tune the 80's edition, I sucked. I either remember the song or the group but never both and never when I needed to. In my defense though, 80's bands all looked the same with the hair and the clothes.

Watching my niece take care of her new baby was an eye opener. It's one of those dolls that coo's, burps and cries. Good Lord it cries. She tried the bottle. She tried the pacifier. She tried burping it. She tried pawning it off on me, but I don't babysit. Finally, she tossed it on the couch and left. I'm thinking of giving one to each of my teenagers as a life lesson.




This is my favorite gift, next to the gift cards my kids received. I'm going to spend the rest of the day in front of the TV watching Master Shake and Meatwad while they are out shopping till they drop.

I hope everyone had a great day.

I’ve paid my dues (actually it was a free league)
Time after time
I’ve done my sentence (all 16 weeks)
But committed no crime
And bad mistakes
I’ve made a few (there was the time my bench scored more than my starters)
I’ve had my share of sand kicked in my face (one week I lost by 1 point)
But I’ve come through

I am the champion-my friends
And I kept on fighting-till the end
I am the champion
I am the champion
No time for losers
’cause I am the champion-of my fantasy football league.

Actually I had a lot of help, you know who you are. Thanks.


A Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.

The other day I did a post on my girlfriends from work. Jim and Brian pointed out to me that I didn't mention them. Thanks guys, I didn't realize that. Frank can't read but saw no pictures of himself. In an effort to be fair, because I'm all about the fairness, here's to you.








This is Frank. He loves hockey, probably because the outfits match his helmet. He has to wear it all the time, for obvious reasons. Frank is part of the dynamic duo (IT) and Jim, the other one, completes him.


This is Jim. You can't speak of one without the other. Doesn't he look like he's about 12? They're like Batman and Robin, Beavis and Butthead, Jimmy and Timmy, Quagmire and Loretta. Pick your own slightly off kilter couple and that's them. They make coming to work fun because you never know what kind of shenanigans they have in store for you.

Frank is like an annoying brother, always messing with you and throwing shit at you, making you laugh. One day he put a box on my head. Yesterday he put a plastic bag on my head. I was beginning to think he thought I was ugly but he told me that he’s just trying to kill me. That’s fine, as long as I’m not ugly. The bag incident happened right after he gave me a bottle of wine. Now that I think of it, the man is always trying to get me drunk. Alcohol for my birthday. Alcohol for Christmas. I knew there was a reason I put up with his ass. One day I was playing with one of those big industrial staplers. I told him to put his hand in it and he did. Once I saw the blood though I immediately felt bad and yelled at him. Unfortunately since the stapler incident of 04’ I haven’t been able to get him to fall for anything else. I keep trying though.

Jim is the brain power behind all things mischievous. His mind is a very scary place to visit, but his machinations are never cruel, always funny. Helpful little tyke he is. Jim is your little brother, you want to protect him from the big scary world but then he'll say something like, "If she walks by here one more time with those damn flip flops I'm going to staple her feet to her shoes.", and it reminds you that he has claws and is very capable of taking care of himself. Jim was the brains behind this.

Jim refers to himself as my Lord & Master. One day he did a print screen on my desktop and used it as my background. He got a kick out of me clicking on the icon for something and then telling him that it didn't work. He also went through this thing where he would walk by me while I was on the phone and make Chewbacca noises or talk like Yoda. He's also the person I beat in fantasy football to get to the finals. He suffered a beatdown of glorious porportions. It was so bad I almost felt bad for him, and then I remembered he was used to it because I spanked him before.



This is my gay boyfriend Brian. My cupcake. Brian is the nicest bitch you'd ever hope to meet. His quick wit would slay you and you can always count on him to keep you in stitches. One day I went to work with my emergency panty hose on. Emergency panty hose that's pretty self-explanatory. I bought them one day and when I got home decided the color wasn't right for me so they would be for an emergency. Anyway, I go in to work and Brian starts telling people I have on prosthetic leg panty hose. The sad part was he was right. He's also the guy who complimented me on my boobs last week. He then proceeded to mention them to everyone who joined our little group, as well as stare at them while he was talking to me. He's precious.



You three asses make work fun and I'm glad you're somewhat my friends.


Everyone have a very Merry Christmas.

This is the final in a three part series of things I wish I hadn’t posted. After I wrote this I was teased unmercifully by a couple of people. While doing this I realized I don’t really regret anything it’s more like I can’t believe I actually admitted it. This post would fall into that category. So here is Untitled originally posted 10/16/05.

For a couple of days I've had a Manilow medley playing in my head courtesy of Professor Chaos and his evil plan to drive people crazy by planting bad song lyrics in their heads. Over and over I've burst out with Copacabana, Mandy and Ships. It's a mixtape nightmare in my head. However, through all of that there has been one song stuck on repeat in my head since last week. I was hoping it was from the rain but the sun came out yesterday and I still found myself singing while in the car yesterday. It's part of my father's legacy to me just like knowing the lyrics to a variety of Manilow songs is due to my sister.

My father watched wrasslin, Lawrence Welk and Dukes of Hazzard. All pukey programing guaranteed to make you vomit. My sister played Manilow constantly when it was cleaning time. Like it wasn't bad enough that I had to clean but then I had to listen to how Mandy gave and gave without taking. WTF, take something Mandy. For the love of God, just take something. Anyway the song (lyrics below) in my head is from Hee Haw. Yes, I had that foisted upon me as well and people wonder why I watch NASCAR.

Gloom despair and agony on me
deep dark depression and certain misery.
If it weren't for bad luck I'd have no luck at all
Ooohhh Gloom despair and agony on me.

Feel for me people. These were my formative years.


This last one, I wrote 9/29/05, I’m throwing it in because I can’t believe I wrote it. It's a bonus, aren't you lucky. It has to be one of the meanest things I’ve said. Okay, perhaps not, I just remembered writing a line about my neighbors’ kids making me an advocate for mandatory sterilization. To be perfectly honest it still makes me chuckle when I read it.


My head hurts.

My head hurts. The whole thing hurts. Back to front. Top to bottom. This has resulted in a really foul mood. If someone I didn't like collapsed in front of me right now, I'd step over them. However, if they were on fire, I'd help. I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to beat them with something.

My mood wasn't helped by an email I received in which someone told me I was being apathetic to their plight. Actually I was being rude by not answering because my first response was to call them a dumb-ass for getting themselves in that situation.

Now, I don't give a shit, so call me apathetic.

I know I'm going to wake up Christmas morning without the batteries. Remind me to get the batteries.

Last night my son was fiddling around with Google Earth. When I first googled my home address I thought it was pretty cool. Once I googled my kids school though it lost its appeal and became scary.

Son 3 is thirteen and wants to be a scientist. He’s always looking up things and tinkering with stuff. Fortunately he did not blow us up with his chemistry set. However, he asked for the address for the Pentagon while he was on Google Earth which has me worried. Any day now the Feds will be at my house.

While he was looking up everything he could think of, Angelina asked to see the North Pole. I came up with some really lame reason about Santa’s place being a secret. However, she knows her way around the computer and can spell Santa; I wouldn’t be surprised if she looked it up herself. Geez, kids are too smart for my own good.

Yesterday I started the meme on things I regret saying. This entry was originally posted 7/8/05. I was being my usual sarcastic self but I hurt someone’s feeling which I did regret.

Desire
Have you ever desired something so bad the thought of it consumed you? Wanted something even though you knew deep down it was wrong to feel that way? Wanted it even though you knew people might be hurt or relationships damaged? Wanted it so much you fantasized about it? I do.
I want people to stop sending me friggin chain emails and prayer wheels! I want to open my inbox without fear of seeing one. I'd rather see an inbox full of Viagra ads then see another prayer wheel.

The episode of South Park where Santa goes to Iraq to spread Christmas cheer and is gunned down is on right now. It's so politically incorrect but I like it. It's one of my favorites.

Anyway, Lord of Brady created a meme. Go through your journal and make a list of things you wished you hadn't said. This was a hard one. First I can't link to my old journal at AOL because it was private and if I make it public, I'll lose my comments. Second, I could only think of two things really that I wish I hadn't said. Usually I'll delete it before I post but mostly I don't regret saying anything. Since I can't post the link and I could only think of three things (yeah, I just thought of something else) that I regret putting in I'll post them in their entirety for the next three days.

Here's the first, orginally posted August 16th.

Psycho Babble

This morning I really wished that I had a split personality. It sounds crazy, I know, but I would have much preferred to retreat into myself and have someone else deal with the day. Instead of calling in, which I came really close to doing this morning, my other personality would come out and go to work for me. I'm even willing to let the other personality be perky and optimistic which goes against everything I stand for.

This morning I also contemplated whether or not I was having a mid-life crisis. When I realized if I was, that meant I'd be dead at 72, I decided to go with just being in a quiet reflective period. It's funny that when I'm quiet people who don't know me that well will continually ask me if I'm okay. However, the people who know me will stay away until I work it out. The latter is definitely the wisest and safest of the two. I'm not in a bad mood. I'm hovering on the edge of one and the slightest thing, like asking me to explain something for the 42nd time or standing by me silently willing me to ask what you want, will send me plummeting.

On a brighter note, tomorrow is our fantasy football draft. I've spent an unspeakable about of money on magazines and an unreasonable amount of time getting ready to suck. However, I will enjoy the smack talk even at my suckiest. So be prepared, Brady-Hater, your time is coming.

When I went back and read this I sounded like a complete nut.

Saturday I finally went Christmas shopping. I think I'll regale my kids with stories of going to Toysrus to buy presents instead of labor and pregnancy stories. It's supposed to be a happy time. Good will and glad tidings were not evident in that store. People forget to say excuse me. They forget what excuse me means. They forget please and thank you.

Me, I have a two excuse me limit. I'll say it once, than I'll raise my voice a little in case you really didn't hear me the first. Although, I know you heard me and you're just being an ass by not moving. The third, instead of excuse me you get, "Get the fuck out the way." in what my sister calls my exorcist tone.

As bitchy as I am, I will still hold the door open for people. However, if you start walking through that door before you say thank you, you'll be tasting it. Another thing, I hear you behind me, sighing and sucking your teeth. Learn how to say excuse me because I"m not moving. Finally, if I see you making faces while I'm loading my car, I'll get in it and sit. Me, I'm in no rush. I plan my outings so I can do annoying shit like that.

Once home with the loot, the OO7 skills kicked in. Plan A was to send the child upstairs so the loot could be brought into the house. Fortunately she's still of an age where she doesn't think it strange that I went to the store for hours and came back with a pack of markers. Right in the middle of Plan A, the child reappears like a ninja.

Fortunately she's also of an age that I can pull her turtleneck up over her head and act like I can't find her. In the meantime her siblings are passing bags like a bucket brigade and diving in closets so as not to be seen. It took some maneuvering but the loot is tucked safely away in my basement. Hopefully, I will remember that and not send her downstairs for anything.

Living on a hill is great when it snows. It's perfect for sledding. Living on a hill bites the big one when there's ice. It's perfect for falling. There is nothing like sliding in the opposite direction of where you're headed. It took me five minutes to cross the street. One step forward, slide two feet down. My two minute walk to the bus stop took forever. Fortunately I didn't fall. Although I did do that slip where your hands fly in the air and you look like Elaine from Seinfeld dancing. Each time I did that I uttered Samir's famous words from Office Space, "Mother... shitter... Son of an... ass."

For a brief period yesterday, I thought I should stop swearing so much. After I did my list of things I say and went and looked at others like Ari's, Chuck, Galen's, and especially The Mad Secretary's I thought that perhaps for the new year I should resolve to swear less. This morning walking in the ice I said, "Fuck that". I haven't checked out Brandy to see if she swears a lot I'm hoping she does. I have to admit though Sharon (Rachelalien), Sypder and Jennifer made me feel better with their potty mouths.

Yesterday I was in my kitchen with son 2 and son 3. When 2 left the room, I told 3 that 2 said he sucked. 3 didn't believe me. I said yes he did, but don't ask him because he'll just deny it. When 2 came in the room, I told him that 3 said he was a loser. They are convinced I'm nuts but we have fun. Although it was a lot more fun when they were younger and gullible.

After witnessing this, son 1 who is home for Christmas break, reminded me of how I would tell each one individually that they were my favorite and not to tell the other ones because it would hurt their feelings. It took them a couple years to catch on. I'm sure they'll need therapy.

Enough rambling, I've got to work for 2 hours so I can get out of here. Actually I'm not but I'm going to walk around and look busy.

One more thing, despite the ice the day is good. My gay boyfriend complimented me on my shirt and said my boobs look good. It' not everyday a gay male stares at your boobs and doesn't go yuck. Today me and my boobs rock.

Enjoy the weekend.

I was tagged by the Dark Lord to do a meme. What the hell is a meme? Is it short for something? Who makes up this shit? Anyway, I’m supposed to stop talking long enough to think about ten things I’m known for saying, say often, or something along those lines. Do you realize how much force it takes to stop this mouth? This will have to be done quickly, lest I need a nap afterward. Although, I’m at work and there is no better place for napping than the company dime.

JFC- I actually don’t say this as much as write it. It’s to express frustration over some asinine thing someone said or did. Yes, I know I’m going to hell because it is a truly blasphemous thing to say. Actually that’s probably #5 on the list of reasons I’m going to hell.

No-This should probably be number one but I’m too lazy to rearrange it. I’m a Mom of 5. I say this all the time. Don’t believe me, ask my kids.

What did I say? - This is said to the child who is trying to convince me that we discussed something and I just don’t remember it. It is also said to the child who has already been told #2 but insists on asking again.

Anyway-I digress often. I’ll start talking about something and then my mind will wander to another topic. It’s like my brain is constantly firing or misfiring, I’m not sure which. Anyway back to the list.

Bitch, be-yotch-It’s a term of affection. Unless I don’t like you in which case it’s not.

Fuck-said just now, cause fuck this is harder than I thought. Also, fuck this, fuck that and probably my favorite fuck you.

Oh hell-usually said because I just remembered something I forgot to do, just ran into someone I didn’t want to see or a myriad of other irrelevant reasons.

Loser-This is said quite often lest Frank and Jim forget what they are.

You suck-This is said quite often lest Frank and Jim forget that they do.

Tom Brady rocks!-because he does. So there!

There are other things I say often but did not list because I don’t want to get emails or comments from some whiny ass person telling me they’re offended. If I do I’ll be forced to say you suck to some loser. Fuck, nothing pisses me off more than some bitch telling me how I offended them by expressing my opinion on something. This journal, blog whatever the heck you call it, has a warning label. No, I’m not going to apologize. JFC, lighten up. Oh hell, who am I kidding? I can’t remember what else I say so I went with these.

This was fun. You should try it. Leave a link or your list in the comment section.

Anyway, Tom Brady rocks!

The other day my horoscope said to tell the people I work with how I feel about them, I think most of them pretty much know from the glares and the cold shoulder what I think of them. However, the thought has been ruminating in my head since then, that instead of bitching about the one’s that get on my nerves, I would tell the ones I like what I think of them. Also two of them have some personal stuff going on and Sharon is homesick for a real West Indian Christmas, I thought I would say something nice about them in an effort to cheer them up and because sometimes you just need to do that.

This is Sharon on her 30th birthday. At the moment this was taken, she is somewhat stunned because her cubicle is wrapped in plastic. When Sharon started, I thought she was quiet, a little on the uppity side and innocent. Over the last few years, I've come to realize that she is quietly funny, indeed a bit uppity and far from innocent. Although she is younger than me, which I still hold against her, she displays a maturity well beyond her years. Her aversion to children is well known yet, she took on the responsibility of raising an out of control teenager at an age when she should have been running about carefree. To some this might have been surprising but to me it wasn't. She is a generous, caring person and the fact that she took care of that kid as long as she did just enforces that. While the rest of us were spouting our opinion on the war, she was quietly serving our country. When the possibility of her going to Iraq came up she quietly packed up, put things in order and went to Fort Drum while listening to us come up with wild schemes (think turkey baster) on how to get her out of it.

This is Jennifer. When I met Jennifer, I thought she was a big priss. I was right, but she's a fun priss. It's surprising how much of life we have in common to look at our backgrounds you wouldn't think we did. We prove that making stupid choices knows no color, or economic background. People have this preconceived notion that she's a diva don't take the time to figure out that while she is about her, she can be about you too. She can multi-task. She cares a great deal about people but most don't see that. Right now she has some pretty serious stuff going on in her life but you wouldn't know it. She isn't the type to go around dragging everyone down or harping about how bad things are. She doesn't brag about how good things are either because she keeps in mind that others may not have it that good. She's a lot nicer than she lets on.

This is Donna. My first impression of her was that she was really prim and proper. I didn't even swear around her at first. Little did I know she could swear like a sailor. She's a little ball of fire. She's the maternal one, the peacemaker, our mother earth. She is quiet and unassuming until friend or family is hurt and than she is a tigress. I was going to say rabid dog, which would have been probably more accurate but tigress is a prettier description. She's funny, generous, caring and an amazing artist. One of my favorite things about Christmas is getting a hand-painted ornament from her. She will give you the shirt off her back if you need it and turn around and choke you with it if you do something stupid. She listens. She cares, sometimes too much. She's going through a rough time too. This Christmas is sucking. She'll get through it though because she's a tough ole broad. However, she's gotta learn to lean on others more and let them take care of her. Ya hear that Donna?


I have learned from all of you and am very glad that you three bitches are my friends.

My Christmas miracle ocurred last night when I found out my MIL won't be visiting this year. Yes, it will be a very Merry Christmas.

Anyway, I was at the Secret Garden again and snagged this survey from Kathy who has really great answers in her's. So without further adieu, here are 70 things you really didn't need to know but the entry I was going to post isn't finished in my head yet.


1. DO YOU SNORE? - I don't know I'm sleep.

2. ARE YOU A LOVER OR A FIGHTER? -I'm a lover but if you f**k with me than I'm a fighter.

3. WHAT'S YOUR WORST FEAR? - Outliving my children or living to see them f**k up.

4. AS A KID, WERE YOU A LEGO MANIAC? - Still am.

5. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF "REALITY" TV?- I don't watch it, unless I can't find the remote and a kid isn't around in that case it isn't bad.

6. DO YOU CHEW ON YOUR STRAWS? - No.

7. WERE YOU A CUTE BABY? - All babies are cute. That is such hogwash. I've seen some ugly babies. Anyway, I've been told I was cute but who knows I'm sure my family wasn't objective about it.

8. IS THE SINGLE LIFE FOR YOU? - Yes, but my husband doesn't agree.

9. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR KEYBOARD? Is dust a color.

10. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER? -Yes the same song all the time, Can I take a friggin shower in peace? It's a popular hit among Mom's.

11. HAVE YOU EVER BUNGEE JUMPED? - Jump off something high attached to a rubber band. No, not after seeing rubber bands break from trying to put them in my hair.

12. ANY SECRET TALENTS? - Yeah, there's this thing I do, actually never mind.

13. WHAT'S YOUR IDEAL VACATION SPOT? - some place warm.

14. IS JAY LENO FUNNY? - I don't watch him but he sure wasn't funny in that really bad movie with Mr. Miyagi.

15. CAN YOU SWIM? - I can do the dead man's float.

16. HAVE YOU SEEN THE MOVIE "DONNIE DARKO"? - No.

17. DO YOU GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THE OZONE? -Of course, I've watched too many sci-fi movies not too.

18. HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A TOOTSIE POP? I don't lick. I suck.
19. CAN YOU SING THE ALPHABET BACKWARDS? - Sober no. Drunk yes.

20. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON AN AIRPLANE? - Yes

21. ARE YOU AN ONLY CHILD? - No, actually I could be because my sister told me I was found on the door step so technically I could be an only child instead of the tormented youngest of 9.

22. DO YOU PREFER ELECTRIC OR MANUAL PENCIL SHARPENER? I prefer a pen.

23. WHAT'S YOUR STAND ON HUNTING? - Duck

24. IS MARRIAGE IN YOUR FUTURE? - Unless I get divorced.

25. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? - when it's signing my paycheck.

26. WHAT ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO? -perfume, cologne, flowers.

27. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAID, "I LOVE YOU? - 7:58 this morning.

28. IS ELVIS STILL ALIVE? - Yes, he's with Tupac.

29. DO YOU CRY AT WEDDINGS? - Once.

30. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS? - Unfertilized.

31. ARE BLONDES DUMB? Some are just like some brunettes and some redheads are.
32. WHERE DOES THE OTHER SOCK END UP? - in the pants.

33. WHAT TIME IS IT? - 9:50 AM

34. DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME? - nope

35. IS MCDONALD'S DISGUSTING? - some are.

36. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE IN A CAR? - This morning but I was just getting something out of it.

37.DO YOU PREFER BATHS OR SHOWERS? - Baths, long, hot ones with candles.

38. IS SANTA CLAUS REAL? - Yes, only this year he is only bringing presents for Angelina because Santa doesn't bring presents for bad kids so I have to go out and buy the rest. Hey, she bought it.

39. DO YOU LIKE TO HAVE YOUR NECK KISSED? Definitely.

40. ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK? No

41. WHAT ARE YOU ADDICTED TO? Caffeine

42. CRUNCHY OR CREAMY PEANUT BUTTER? - creamy

43. CAN YOU CRACK YOUR NECK? - doesn't that hurt? No.

44. HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN IN AN AMBULANCE? Yes.

45. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BRUSHED YOUR TEETH TODAY? - Once

46. IS DRUG FREE THE WAY TO BE? - At the moment I couldn't function without my Zyrtec, Robitussin with codeine or Lortabs.

47. ARE YOU A HEAVY SLEEPER? - Yes, unless you stand over me than I bolt straight up and want to kick your ass.

48. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES? -hazel.

50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR LIFE? -it's always better than the alternative.

51. WHOSE IS BETTER? -at the moment, no one I know.

52. ARE YOU PSYCHIC? - No, but I wish I was so I could avoid running into people.

53. HAVE YOU READ "CATCHER IN THE RYE"? - Not in ages.

54. DO YOU PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS? - I played the baritone, the trumpet and the violin when I was in school.

55. HAVE U EVER STOLEN MONEY? - Does robbing Peter to pay Paul count?

56. CAN YOU SNOWBOARD? - Minorities in winter activities is rare.

57. DO YOU LIKE CAMPING? - In a hotel yes.

58. DO U SNORT WHEN U LAUGH? - No.

59. DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC? - dark magic.

60. ARE DOGS A MAN'S BEST FRIEND? - In some cases they have to be no one else can stand them.

61. YOU BELIEVE IN DIVORCE? - yes.

62. CAN YOU DO THE MOONWALK? - Never tried.

63. DO YOU MAKE A LOT OF MISTAKES? - I try not to.

64. IS IT COLD OUTSIDE TODAY? -It's friggin freezing.

65. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? - a banana

66. DO YOU WEAR NAIL POLISH? - Only on my toenails and my toes if I let Angelina put it on.

67. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN KISSED? - No, my children are a result of Immaculate Conception.

68. WHAT'S THE MOST ANNOYING TV COMMERCIAL? - any with that damn energizer bunny.

69. DO YOU SHOP AT AMERICAN EAGLE? - No

70. FAVORITE BAND AT THE MOMENT? - Linkin Park cause I'm in that kind of mood.

This will be familiar to some. I posted it before. Today though I'm feeling nostalgic so I'm posting it again. First I have to answer a couple of questions.

No, Kathleen, they don't literally rip up their checks. That would be too much like right and these people ain't right.

No, Omar, not having seen It's a Wonderful Life doesn't make you unamerican. Your hating on Tom Brady makes you suspect though.

Sypder, I'm not dissing Rudolph. I'm sticking up for him. Santa, his parents and the rest of the reindeer treated Rudolph like shit. The very nose they ostracized him over saved their collective behinds and no one even apologized to him. That sucks. You should hear me on Frosty and how those kids go off and no one looks for them.

Okay I think that was all. Here's a rerun of I'd Like to Help You But I Can't.

Here we are again. We’ve been down this road before. You tell me your problem and I immediately drop everything and fix it. This time, I won’t, and you think I don’t care. It’s not that I don’t care. It’s that I was wrong to not let you figure it out on your own in the past

There were times when you or I were so overwhelmed that it was just easier for me to do it. What I should have done though was assist you in figuring it out and that way we wouldn’t be in this position. You wouldn’t think it didn’t matter to me and I wouldn’t be aggravated with you for not even trying. I’ll accept my responsibility because I know I should have taken the time to show you. I shouldn’t have been so quick to just fix it. You and I know that is why you came to me because you knew I would. Now you need to know and you don’t. Instead of taking the responsibility for your part in the situation you want to act as if I’m the bad guy because I won’t drop everything and run to your aid. I can’t help you this time. If you want I’ll stand by your side while you navigate through the problem but I won’t do it. You’re upset. I understand that. I’m changing the rules.

However, the next time this happens and you can do it yourself; you’ll appreciate the fact that you can. You’ll appreciate that you can rely on yourself instead of having to go to someone else. I’m not abandoning you though, if you find you can’t work it out, I’m still here. I’m just asking you to try.

There comes a time when we have to do things on our own. This is one of those times. So, go ahead, I believe in you. I know that if you try, you can get that copier jam out.

The other day at lunch someone brought up the movie It's a Wonderful Life. They claimed it's a must see movie. In a nutshell, unreliable character (Uncle Billy) is given important job by main character (George Bailey). Of course, Uncle Billy screws up important job. George yells at Uncle Billy, wife and kids. Then he proceeds to go and beg for help from the character you're supposed to hate (Mr. Potter) who laughs at George as he should. Personally, I liked Mr. Potter. I thought he was the most realistic.

Feeling sorry for himself and not thinking at all about his family or friends, George thinks of taking the wimpy mans way out of the situation by offing himself. Especially after Mr. Potter pointed out that George was worth more dead because of his insurance policy than alive. At this point in the movie, I would have offed George free of charge. To make a long story short and less annoying, George saves someone who turns out to be an Angel. Can't remember the Angels name. Angel gives George a chance to see what people's lives would have been like without him. George is sorry, wants his life back, blah blah blah. Angel utters classic line, "No man is a failure who has friends". Bullshit, he's just a failure with friends.

Anyway, two lines from that movie really piss me off. This one where George is yelling at Uncle Billy after Uncle Billy screwed up. " Where's that money, you silly stupid old fool? Where's that money? Do you realize what this means? It means bankruptcy and scandal and prison. That's what it means. One of us is going to jail - well, it's not gonna be me." Why the hell is he yelling at Uncle Billy like that when he shouldn't have given him the money in the first friggin place? He knew Uncle Billy was a bumbling idiot. JFC, will you accept some responsibility you sniveling ass? Although I'm not totally heartless I do understand George's anguish over the thought of going to federal f**k you in the a** prison. I love Office Space.

The second line is George yelling at his wife. "You call this a happy family? Why do we have to have all these kids?" This one burns me up. I'm sure George didn't mind making all those kids. Once again it's not his fault.

Once I watched George react so poorly to a crisis, there was nothing that could redeem him in my eyes. Yes, I saw all the bad things that would have happened if George hadn't been around but what sticks with me is yelling at his family. I don't care how sorry he was after. The damage was done. What happens the next time something goes wrong? Hopefully George doesn't own firearms. Get help George. For everybody's sake, get some help.

Speaking of holiday movies have you ever really watched Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer? After everything that Rudolph went through, he should have told Santa to f**k off.

Current Mood: stagnant

Today was a complete loss, but such is life. I can't be bothered with anything today. I've just been hanging out doing nothing. Not that it matters. I just don't have anything to say.


Entry courtesy of The Apathetic Online Journal Entry Generator. Perhaps a better title would be, I remember why I don't drink during the week.

However, Santa won't be making a visit this year. He was arrested last night for kissing Mommy under the Mistletoe. No, means no. Even for you, Mr. Claus.

The holiday season is a time of giving and I'm not talking STD's either. It's a time of sharing and I don't mean your best friends boyfriend. It's a time of good cheer, glad tidings, harmony and shit. In keeping with the holiday spirit, I have decided to be forgiving.

First, I forgive my neighbor for being a skank. I forgive my nosey co-worker for being so nosey. I forgive my stupid co-workers for being so stupid. I forgive my fashion challenged co-workers for wearing the 80's look, the bag lady look and for dressing like hookers. I forgive my personality challenged co-workers for being such assholes. I forgive my brown-nosing co-workers for being in the boss's ass and their backstabbing ways. Finally, I forgive Frank for being such a loser because I know deep down he can't help it.

Hopefully, those who are forgiven will enjoy this brief respite for the hating will resume January 1.

There are times when my patience for mankind is low. Today is one of those times. As I have matured, my tolerance level has grown. However there are certain things that make my eye twitch. The following are questions and the answers I'd like to give.


You're late? You're early? Thanks I couldn't have figured that out without you.

What's wrong with the copier? What does it say? Call for service. Do I look like the friggin service man.

What's wrong with the fax machine? It's broke. That's enough for me, why isn't it for you?

Did you get that email I sent you? Did you send it to me or my evil twin who deletes your messages.

What's the matter with ? If they wanted you to know, they would tell you.

Where is CEO, receptionist, IT person? Avoiding you.

Why is out? See above answer.

What's the weather for tomorrow? I'll let you know when I finish weather school.

What's wrong with the cable? It's not working. Do I have on a Time Warner uniform?

Where's the remote? Under your ass. If you got up off of it once in awhile you might locate it. I've said this before.

Who is on the phone? Since I am not on the phone, not part of the conversation and simply don't care, I can't tell you.

Where are you at? Where the f**k did you call? Okay, to be honest, I've actually said this too.

What are you doing? Answering your dumb-ass questions, ya waste of oxygen.

Those last two only bother me if you call me at work and ask them.

I know I've reached my stupid question quota when I answer the following question, "Do you have any Mexican, Indian, Thai (that's a new one) in you?" with "Not since last night".

If trigger finger was the childbearer in this relationship, we would only have the two I brought with me. You would think he had a kidney transplant as opposed to minor surgery on his finger. Fortunately, they gave him a prescription for Lortab. I'll make good use of it.

This weekend we put the Christmas tree up. I'm a little closer to being in the holiday spirit. Going through the ornaments I was reminded of the days when I liked all of my children. Angelina made her list for Santa and surprisingly she had a hard time trying to think of what she wanted. My 13 year old has not requested anything which has convinced me that he did something I don't know about.

The last couple of years I've picked one thing for my friends. Last year was calendars or was last year ornaments? I can't remember. However you get the idea. I pick one thing and than find something that fits for each of my friends. Loser Frank likes hockey so the year I did ornaments I bought him a hockey player ornament. Jennifer likes trivia so when I went the calendar route I found one that had trivia questions on it. This year I'm stumped. Any ideas?

This morning I had to scrape ice off my car. I can't stand it. This is your warning that griping season has begun.

To my extreme delight my fantasy football team stomped on Jim's this weekend. Once he recovers from his spanking, I'm sure he'll have some lame reason for his team sucking. He's number one in our league and my lowly third place team gave him the universal #1 sign this weekend. Go me! That's right I'm cheering for myself. Wanna make something of it? I thought not.

My Baby

who also has a Batman costume

courtesy of trigger finger

she wanted to wear the Batman mask with

the princess dress but changed her mind

at the last minute.

4 year old niece and 3 year old nephew

My niece I refer to as Scooby

because she has trouble with R's and L's

which of course makes her brother Scrappy.

That is actually not how you spell her name

but her mother spelled it so ghetto

I can't remember how to spell it wrong

which would actually be right.

12 year old niece who went as B-Rad

hopefully you saw Malibu's Most Wanted

Yes, everything is centered. I couldn't figure out how to fix it without deleting the pictures. Since it took me this long to post the things in the first place, I wasn't going through all of that.

I really don't know what the hell that title means. However, I remembered what the grandiose hoopla was. My neighbors were having an argument for like 45 minutes. It was constant back and forth about who was going to do what to whom. One wasn't scared of the other, the other wasn't scared either. Finally I went outside and said, "Fight or STFU! I'm tired of listening to it." If it's one thing I can't abide, it's listening to someone talk about how tough they are. Tough people don't talk they act.


Yesterdays, title was from Office Space and actually goes with this entry. Brian gave me the newly released DVD, which I have watched 2 times this week. Tuesday I watched it because we celebrated November birthdays in the office and there's a birthday scene in it that cracks me up.

Once a month we gather in the lunch room and serenade the lucky co-workers with song. It sounds like cows in a slaughter house. No one wants to sing. Hell, depending on whose birthday it is, no one wants to be there. When I started I went in each month regardless of who the birthday boys/girls were. Now, I only go in if it's someone I like. Why bother? I have to be civil to your ass the rest of the time, I'm not going to celebrate the thought of another year of having to endure your presence.

The movie has a character in it named Milton. He's a strange little man, who mumbles things. For instance he goes into this thing about listening to the radio because someone else listens to headphones. I have co-workers who actual think it's logical to use 'someone else does it' as an excuse. Milton is also obsessed with his Swingline stapler which was taken from him. I'm inserting the following email from a co-worker, about a stapler, so you can see how this movie truly imitates life. Notice she sent the email to all of the 'Albany Staff’, apparently, our CEO is not above taking staplers.
_____________________________________________
From: **********
Sent: Monday, September 08, 2003 2:36 PM
To: Albany Staff
Subject: LOOKING FOR MY STAPLER

I WOULD APPRECIATE THE RETURN OF MY STAPLER. THE REPLACEMENT SOMEONE LEFT ON MY DESK KEEPS JAMMING. I LIKED MINE BETTER. AND IT HAD A RED TAB - NOT A COPPER ONE. THANKING YOU IN ADVANCE.


Our office is having a Christmas luncheon this year instead of a Christmas party. Some of our colleagues are disgruntled about it. Actually they are just disgruntled. How can you have a problem with a free lunch at a country club during which you'll receive your Christmas bonus? Every year around this time I can't help but think of National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation when the Chevy Chase character gets a jelly of the month subscription instead of his bonus. I wish our CEO would do it one year just to see the look on people's faces. It is a bonus, you would think they would be grateful but they aren't. They rip it apart. This is why I make fun of them. It's not because I'm mean. Really, it's not.

BTW, if you haven't seen Office Space, watch it.

The following is a conversation that took place this morning after a child who is passing English had a request granted in front of the child who is not.

Child: That’s not fair.


The rest of the children leave the room (even the 5 yr old) as a precaution.


Me: Excuse me?

Child: Parents aren’t supposed to have favorites. You’re supposed to treat us all the same.

Me: I don’t have favorites. I love you all the same. He is passing his classes and well on his way to becoming a responsible adult. Why should you be treated the same when you don’t act the same? Is that fair? Anyway, when he was grounded, I don’t recall you asking to be grounded too.


Faced with a reasonable argument, she changes the subject. Perfect management material.


Child: You just want us to be successful so you can brag about us.

Me: No, I want you to be successful so you can move out of my house.

Child: Well, I didn’t ask to be born.

Me: And I don’t recall asking for a bratty kid, we both have our crosses to bear.